I have been dipping my toes into building and painting Warhammer, which feels like an odd hobby to pick up at forty-six.
I was looking for something that might give me a flow state again. Something that scratched a bunch of itches at once: science fiction, fantasy, action figures, display pieces, colour, craft, skill, etc.
I tried Gundam during COVID and found it far too fiddly. The engineering was impressive. I had no real attachment to the lore. Warhammer is different. I still do not understand the lore in any meaningful way. It seems to involve empire, decay, angels, demons, skulls, churches, bugs, fungus. You know, all the normal stuff.
My current project is a Blood Angels Combat Patrol. My beginner’s understanding is that the Blood Angels are basically space vampires, which is not something I have encountered very often as a hobby category. Mostly I was drawn to them because of what I saw other people doing with them online.
The irony is that this hobby, which I chose partly to get away from screens, immediately sent me back to screens.
I watched videos on how to prime. Videos on how to glue. Videos on how to paint red armour. Videos comparing paint approaches. Videos about edge highlighting. Videos about whether the paint was too thick, whether the humidity was too high, whether the mould lines were too visible, whether I had ruined the miniature before I had even started. You know, normal relaxing hobby behaviour.
This is somewhat shameful for someone who professionally coaches people to get over perfectionism and just do the thing. I can tell other people, with a straight face and genuine conviction, that failure is information. That the draft teaches you what the plan cannot. That waiting until you are ready is often just anxiety. Then I sit down with a two-inch plastic soldier and behave as if a slightly streaky shoulder pad is a moral catastrophe.
Part of what interests me about Warhammer is the painting. Part of it is watching my own mind try to turn a hobby into a performance review.